Management is Like Taking Candy From a Baby

So, you’ve decided that you aspire to get into management.  That’s akin to deciding to have children.  Having children is like eating a cake.  A cute and delightful cake that repeatedly implodes with fragments of icing screaming off into thick air.  It’s sticky, messy, loud, and confusing, but you kind of make it work.  Oh, and the table linen is on fire.

Habitually you mutter to yourself, what in inferno did I sign up for?

Let’s be real though, it’s not all hell…

It’s challenging.  It’s an opportunity to grow.  You get to try new angry toddlers, you can learn from sleep deprivation, you learn to be persistent by constantly cleaning up, and finally, develop new talents like stepping on Lego.

Think, growth mindset.  Growth mindset.  Growth.  Mindset.

There are plenty of similarities between parenting and management.  Parents want their children to be successful, give them opportunities, and teach them about fools and kings.  Without a doubt, they also need to take corrective action by any means necessary.  I mean, when and where necessary, in a compassionate way of course.  The best managers are those that say to their employees, ‘I am here to help you succeed’ and follow through with it by giving them opportunities, coaching, and development.  Replacing people is easy, but when a child makes a mess in their diaper, you only throw away the diaper and not the entire child, I hope.

Children come with their own temper, manners, personalities, needs, and abilities.  Each joins their family, but no two children are identical.  Each child needs appropriate management by identifying them as individuals.  When you are fully aware of this, you manage them as a family, but you look after them as individuals.  This is also applicable to staff.  Everyone brings their own experiences, skills, and abilities which can’t be totally replaced.  This means that team members need one another, and we can’t dispense with the knowledge of others.  Thus, being together is a means of maintaining individuality and the differences are what brings them together.

Let’s look at a few similarities between parenting and management covering topics of: Responsibility, Exemplary, Protection, Accountability, Patience, Decision Making, Empowerment, and Compassion.

Responsibility

A parent is responsible for their children. Parents are also answerable to society at large.  A parent can’t abuse their child or leave them in the car with the windows up during a heat wave without repercussion.  There are laws that hold them responsible and liable for any maltreatment.  It doesn’t matter that the child was petulant or disobedient, the parent is responsible even if it’s the child’s fault.

Much like parenting, being a manager is an immense responsibility.  It’s on your shoulders.  If there is a problem, you are the solution.  If team dynamics are poor, you are the delinquent.  If staff feel they are treated partially, you are the oppressor.  If you are in authority, you must consume responsibility.  Do not deny the rights of others, and don’t place them in hardship making them feel lost.  A team’s group dynamics reflect their manager.  If a typical child has poor manners, who do we hold responsible?  If the team is good, you look good.

Exemplary

The two-year-old daughter cries out, “no, that sucks!”.  The father has a look of shock.  The mother gives the father a look that suggests, ‘she learned that from you!’

You are unable to say what you want and do what you want and give your child a different set of rules.  They are highly observant and follow what their parents do.  You can tell a child a million times over, but they don’t do what you tell them, they do what you do.

Similarly, as a manager, you need to practice what you preach.  This sounds easy but it’s not.  It requires completely rewiring your habits, will power, focus, and perpetual self-evaluation which can deplete your energy.  You must have self-awareness and consistent preservation otherwise you will relapse into your old habits.  You need to lead by example and walk the talk first.  Even if you think your staff don’t like you or respect you, they will still take on your habits.

Protection

Parents have a desire to protect their child from various dangers.  Installing safety covers on outlets, removing or softening hard edges, holding their hand while crossing an intersection.  Parents proactively and continually ensure there are no dangers to their children.  They make sure that their children do not go hungry and even eat last.  It’s not about you, it’s all about them.  This automatically creates a sense of security, safety, and trust within children.

Managers must also have this desire but in its place, you may see that some look out only for themselves.  They pawn employees’ ideas off as their own, don’t give people opportunities because they feel threatened, throw staff under the bus, and not stick up for them when the big boss is disappointed.  Managers need to learn to eat last.  What do you have to prove?  Remember, the team’s success reflects you, and they will only make you look good if you look after them.

Managers are closer to the circle of knowledge whereas employees do not have all the information.  This gives managers greater vision and can warn employees before anything perilous happens.  Let’s face it, stuff happens.  Mergers and acquisitions, changes in legislation, changes in technology, people are let go.  Be proactive, help them, and subside the impacts of threats as much as you can.

Accountability

When parents don’t hold their kids accountable, it leads to further irresponsibility.  If a child is not held accountable to pick up their toys after they’re done playing with them, your home will constantly look like a tornado.  Expectations need to be set and set early.  Consequently, responsibility and accountability in children needs to be taught, coached, and learned.  Now, when children are young, you may need to get down and dirty to help them and show them how to pick up their toys.  Assisting them with their needs until they are independent and can do it better than you.

When it comes to staff, a manager should not expect accountability but demand it.  Teach it, coach it, set expectations, and provide feedback.  How can you provide feedback if you don’t set expectations?  On that note, we often convey expectations to employees but seldom happens the other way around.  Be thoughtful on how to enforce accountability so that you maintain relationships built on trust.  Set the example and meet your own accountabilities.  It is as simple as, if you say you will call someone back in two minutes, you better call them back in two minutes or don’t say that at all.  Hold yourself accountable first and foremost and make it publicly visual where possible.

Patience

It took you 2 hours to get your children ready to go out because they were playing, fighting, running amok.  You nearly pulled all your hair out bribing and negotiating with them.  Everyone is now ready at the door, there is some order, and you breathe a sigh of relief.  The little one is strapped in her car seat and we are ready to roll!  You go to pick up the car seat and hear some unsavory sounds.  Next thing you know, little one has willfully decided to engage in a little bit of number 2 as if it’s a joke.

Children are slow, they become easily distracted, and work on their own schedules.  You must now address little one while trying to maintain order with the other kids.  You must work with their schedule, address their needs, and this requires adaptability and patience.  Children don’t comprehend time, punctuality is not in their vocab.

As a manager you need to be patient with your employees.  You have high standards and they may not be able to fulfill those standards.  You have certain expectations, like I mean they are adults for god sake!  All individuals are different and certain things will work and other things may not work.  You must continually be patient, adapt, and try different things.  Engage them, motivate them, and bring them back to the big picture when they get caught up in the weeds.

Decision Making

A teenager wants the latest game console which costs $500.  Not including taxes.  They come up with a sound argument that they will be home more, they can eat dinner with the family, it will help them stay out of trouble.  The parent weighs the pros and cons and decides against purchasing the console and the teenager cannot deal.  The teen doesn’t comprehend that the parents must consider all their expenses for the month including mortgage, insurance, property tax, groceries, cell phone, and car payments.  In other words, there are other factors that the teenager does not consider or comprehend.  Now, if an explanation is provided, then the teenager has an opportunity to understand.  Some end up understanding but with others it takes more time.

Managers are privy to situational factors, priorities, budget, and other political considerations.  However, the manager should try to make the best rational and reasonable decision as quickly as possible.  In a way that is transparent and provides an adequate explanation.  More complex decisions are best made in consultation with the appropriate stakeholders at the table.  This may include front-line staff engagement.

Now, decisions are not to be made through consensus, but to take insights and synthesize the information to make the best decision.  Employees need to be told this.  Furthermore, sometimes decisions must be made without having enough information because a decision is better than no decision.  The word mort is associated with death.  I use MORT as an acronym, it stands for money, opportunities, resources, and time.  You will never have enough money, the right opportunity, sufficient resources, and ample time.  If you wait for the stars to align, you will be dead by that point.  Make a decision, get buy-in and commitment, and run with it.

Empowerment

Don’t do this.  Don’t do that.  Sit down.  Calm down.  You’re this.  You’re that.  Blah. Blah. Blah.  A parent’s prerogative isn’t to find mistakes, embarrass, or persecute their children.  If you continually tell your child what to do and point out each flaw, they won’t listen because they are constantly being criticized.  Sure, you don’t want them to make mistakes, but you can’t be overbearing and controlling.  You must empower your children and allow them to mature by using logic, judgement, and making mistakes.  They need room to operate.

Similarly, employees need the strength and confidence to be able to make their own choices.  In order to add meaningfulness to their work, they need to be able to initiate and complete a task through autonomy where appropriate. Empower them to grow and learn, don’t control them by prescribing each task.  You will lose them, particularly high performers, because people don’t like being told what to do.  Now, some children need this initially and so do employees, but the goal is to help them mature through coaching and believing in them.

Compassion

Parents that are emotionally absent begets children adopting maladaptive coping mechanisms or they engage in dysfunctional behaviors.  Being emotionally neglectful may come from being selfish and parents feel that the child should fulfill their needs rather than the other way around.  Other parents may mean well but struggle with their own priorities and busy lives.  Finally, a third category of parents experienced neglect themselves and so they can’t respond in kind.

Some managers you will find are autocratic and feel the responsibility is not theirs.  They feel that employees are recognized every two weeks when they get their pay cheque.  Other managers get too caught up in their work that they become neglectful even though they mean well.  Remember, employees only judge based on action not intent.  Make recognizing a priority because everyone has a psychological need to be valued for the contributions they make.  Finally, there are managers that have had previous toxic bosses and were neglected themselves, so they behave likewise.  You won’t tell your child, no one helped me, its sink or swim buddy – you figure it out!

Show some compassion by acknowledging and appreciating times when they are understaffed or when they have gone above and beyond for instance.  Some employees require it more so than others and require extra guidance and attention.  Understand the different natures of your employees.  Some employees are arrogant so you need to be less soft otherwise they can take advantage of you.  Meet this arrogance with strength, and resolve with the dominant.

Management isn’t a walk in the park.  It requires hard work, effort, being humble, and putting the employees needs ahead of your own.